What I intended from these posts was to be honest about our experience. So many things I see our how "wonderful" everything is not that things are "slower" and "quieter" and we're all "together" as a family. Well some things are slower and quieter in a sense, but for me the days are non stop steps all over my house, and a constant stream of chatter, "stop that", "mooooooom", laughter, and tears. I have different challenges now. Challenges of how to be an educational support for my kids, while still being there for my younger ones. Challenges of how to get that variety of learning in, because when you have four kids art projects and baking can't just spontaneously happen all the time, especially when you throw work in to the mix.
I want other moms to know if they aren't loving every second of this that that's ok. It's okay to feel lonely when you're surrounded by family. It's okay to want to be alone. It's okay to grieve the experiences you're missing, and that your kids are missing. It's okay to struggle, and it's okay to cry. And it's okay to read that well meaning facebook post and say "thanks, but no thanks". It's okay for this to be weird, and crazy, and nothing like you've been through before, because we haven't.
Glad we got that cleared up.
Monday
Isaac's teacher is posting daily books in French that she reads, so at least I don't have to worry about my lack of French books here now. We took up reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets again too. Maybe we can finish it before the end of the year. I'm just happy I have something to read besides Diary of a Wimpy Kid.
Isaac was grumpy about doing his spelling words again. Wish he would just realize the time he spent complaining about work is more than the time it would actually take him to do it. He's angry that the way "printemps" is spelt is not phonetically correct. Apparently I'm to blame for "the stupid way they spell things".
He was good about doing his social studies worksheets though. Probably because I promised him if he did it without complaining, he could go on Youtube and learn about any country he wanted.
After lunch he cleaned the basement shower for me, and the kids decided to all hop on the treadmill together, even B was walking away at the front of the line. Maybe this will get some of their pent up energy out.
Tuesday
Isaac has actual schoolwork now, assigned by his teacher, and getting him to do it is like pulling teeth. Also it's somehow my fault? I remind him that reading and writing is required for pretty much any job, and he is not living in our basement for the rest of his life. He wants me to sit with him while he does all of his schoolwork and then also do lego and the "fun" stuff when it's not structured learning time. I told him if he wants to do the fun stuff with me, he has to be more independent in his work, unless he can invent some way to clone me with all his time off.
B was mad all morning. I want juice, no I don't want juice. I want more, no I don't want more. Take me out of my chair because I'm flailing myself out, just kidding leave me in and don't you dare try and take my tray away from me. Ugh WHO ARE YOU CREATURE?!?
Mia got mad at me for trying to go over the calendar in French with them this morning. Guess I missed the memo about tantrum Tuesday.
Isaac has a bunch of spelling practice (in the form of online games) to do over the next few weeks, so I had him start today. Gosh he whined, and wanted me to sit with him. Tried to do weights while standing behind him. Mostly I just stared at his spelling words while he came up with reasons to leave the table.
Scarlett cried when I went to work. I think she misses me. I miss her. We used to have such fun, crazy, but fun mornings together-her, B, and I. And I have to do it again tomorrow. My heart hurts.
Maybe I need to get up a little earlier to get a headstart, instead of letting the kids wake me up. But I'm so tired. Instead of my body running everywhere, it's like my brain is running everywhere. I am needed or wanted every second of the day with the 4 of them at home.
I've been home from work for half an hour (it is now 1145pm). Work wasn't crazy, so I had lots of time to think about all the things I'm not getting done. I wish work would have been crazy instead. My brain feels like a spider web. A million strands of thought being projected, and all connected. But it's fragile, like if I break one of those strands by forgetting something, several other strands break too. This is why my life is lists. My mum said once "your whole life is a spreadsheet". She wasn't wrong.
I feel like I have to be top of my game for everything-school, church, self care, mom life, house keeper. There is so much I can do, and so much I want to do, but literally cannot do it all. Not enough hours in the day. I'm the type of person that likes to finish something start to end, and all semi finished things swirl around in my head and buzz in my ears, like annoying insects I can't get rid of. Even all of Isaac's unfinished worksheets from school bother me. I know they shouldn't, but unfinished things really bother me. Regardless of whether they are my unfinished things or not. Just a weakness I get to learn to overcome. But it's particularly hard right now, when I'm redefining my expectations of what I can do and what my kids can do.
I have a headache. Think it's another night of giving it to the Lord and going to sleep.
Wednesday
Decided to get up earlier this morning before the kids, just to wake my brain up and read my scriptures. I've been listening to this great event called Inklings by Emily Freeman (youtube!) to get ready for general conference (you can ask me later if you don't know what that is). There were some thing she said in there that really resonated with me. One was about the word "restore" and how when the Lord is "restoring" or continually improving us, it is messy (just like restoring a piece of furniture). Yeah no kidding. My life is messy, sometimes the house, sometimes the kids (Mia has refused to brush her hair all week...), sometimes our schedule, and lately my brain. It feels cluttered. But maybe the Lord is sanding off another layer of my type A, OCD, perfectionist paint, because there is something way better than that underneath. And that's messy. And uncomfortable.
I could spend a whole other post talking about the things I felt and learned this morning. But really I am trying to make sure all my edges are pretty, and my knots are nicely tied, and that's just not life right now, and that's ok. Refocusing on what and who the Lord needs me to be and become is the priority. (But I won't complain if You stop sanding for a bit when this is over!)
Isaac got to do a google meeting today with his teacher and classmates. Thought it was going to be a total disaster. The looks on their faces when their classmates appeared on the screen almost made me cry again. They lit up like Christmas trees and started typing little messages to teach other. "Hi"s and "cool"s and emojis galore. Technology is such a blessing!
Went through Isaac's old worksheets and put partially finished or unfinished (and probably never finishing) in a pile for Mia. Her excitement level was over the top. What a trooper. She is also getting connected with her classroom and teacher tomorrow. Can't wait for the fights over my computer.
Had a dance party in the living room after lunch. Made them do burpees every time they heard the word "floor". Played "on the floor" by J Lo (the clean version!!). She says that a lot. No regrets.
Thursday
Auntie Devon video chatted for story time today. Isaac was kind of being a butt, but Mia enjoyed it. Isaac didn't complain about doing his work at all this morning... I'm wondering what his angle his.
We made salt dough Easter egg ornaments, but I wasn't ready for tackle another painting project solo (plus we'd be using acryclic paints), and I still haven't recovered from the time Isaac figured out how to open one sealed in plastic, that I had literally just bought, and spill it over his new shorts and car seat when he was 3. So I bought a rainbow set of sharpies and we coloured them instead. Maybe less pretty, but so much more relaxing! I saved a few for us to paint over the weekend, when daddy is home for backup. Too bad dollar stores are closed. I really wanted to make my Easter tree this year.
I asked Isaac if he wanted to vacuum his bedroom today (since Thursday is bedroom day). "Sure, I can do that today." Ok who are you and what have you done with my son? He cleaned up his lego and vacuumed-normally an operation that takes several hours of nagging. Then he asked me when he could get his budgie (insert long side story). A-ha! Knew there was an angle. Told him he needed to show me several weeks of maintaining and cleaning his room without me twisting his arm. I'll sort your lego by colour, but I draw the line at picking bird seed and feathers out of the bin you leave on the floor. Also I think my trips to his room will be basically non existent given how I feel about birds. No more freebie cleaning from me.
After my afternoon run in the basement (where Scarlett screamed at me for goldfish in the middle of all my 2km speed intervals), we did a core workout based off animals. I started letting them pick the animals and we'd come up with a core move based on it. Isaac picked a cheetah and did some sort of mountain climber where you moved your arms and legs at the same time. I revoked his choices after that.
Gordon saved water from us spinning salad and had an impromptu lesson with Isaac and his microscope. I was cleaning up but pretty sure I heard the words, chloroplast and cells being thrown around. Also "no that's not a cell, that's your eyelashes".
You know what? Today was probably the best day we've had since this whole thing started.
Friday
So sometime between bedtime and waking up the kids all had a little meeting that went something like this. "We were too nice to mum yesterday. We should probably fix that." Then B said "yeah I'll wake up at 6 and be super cranky". Mia said "good idea me and Scarlett should wake up early too". Then someone said "let's have a kicking match right when we're supposed to start school". Then Mia said "cool, I'll have a temper tantrum right after." and Isaac said "great, and I'll go back to being super grumpy and whiny about doing my schoolwork." B and Scarlett presumably were bored by this point and left the meeting, because they were relatively well behaved for the later morning.
BEFORE NOON PEOPLE. BEFORE NOON.
I have been keeping his school routine of weekly "dictees" (spellling tests), and again he was mostly mad at me that words were not following traditional phonetic rules. Guess I should be flattered he thinks I have such influence as to decide how words are spelt. Also ironic he expects words to follow rules when he has such a hard time with that himself. You think they'd be better friends.
The afternoon involved a lot of me visiting various rooms in the house fixing this computer program, or finding this toy, or wiping this bum. It felt like I refereed a million fights, and kids were switching BFFs faster than a high school sitcom. His teacher posted today they were going to resume weekly dictees starting next week, beginning with the test they were supposed to do the week after school was cancelled. I gave him that spelling test two weeks ago at home. Not sure if the news is good because he has already done it, or bad because he has to do it again. Guess it depends on if he's having a glass half full or half empty kind of day.
We needed some happy family memories of today, so after dinner we had popcorn and watched Onward (like every other family who has Disney+) .
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