4 months already.

Isaac is 4 months tomorrow. Every month I look forward to him learning and accomplishing new things, but it also brings with it a touch of sadness that my little boy will never be as little as he was the day before. Time is so reliable, but sometimes I hate the certainty that the hours and days will continue to go by at their never-changing pace. This last month he has outgrown almost all of his 0-3 month sleepers ( I continue to put him in a few though the label clearly states I should retire them for his weight...I guess I'm in denial), is in size 2 diapers and has a head that is round like a basketball. He has fast-growing hair (and darned fingernails!), perpetually dry cheeks and either has to have his bottom lip sucked in or sticking out as far as it will go. He has CONSTANTLY got his fingers (or anything else that touches them) in his mouth and likes to gag himself leading to many a puke. I've tried putting mittens on but he just pulls them off with his mouth. Go figure.
I had put away the soothers in the "box-for-baby-#2" (aka the stuff he's outgrown) since he's never really gone for them, but today I gave him one before nap so he would hopefully keep his fingers out of his mouth and whaddya know? I was surprised he even knew how to use the thing.
He loves to stand and still loves to lie on the floor but currently has an aversion to sitting most of the time. We brought out his jumperoo so he could have a bit more independent standing time but he's still wary of the whole contraption moving when he does. He hates when we try and bounce him in it and stands up really straight, almost on his tiptoes, in attempts to stop the bouncing.
He takes anywhere from 4-6 ounces in a sitting, but is definitely more of a grazer, preferring to have smaller meals more frequently. We finally graduated him from the newborn to one month old nipples haha. We kept him on the slowest-flow nipple in hopes that he'd want to nurse longer because the flow from the bottle wasn't as fast, but no cigar. So we moved up to 1 month flow which is plenty fast for him in my opinion. He's already a puke machine so I don't really need another factor encouraging that by introducing an even faster milk stream.
He can and will sleep through the night depending on the night. I'd say we're about 50/50 right now. His bedtime is between 8 and 9 and sometimes he gets up at around 4, then goes back to sleep until 7-7:30. If he sleeps through the night it's usually until about 6:30 and then he's up so I prefer he get up at 4 and go back to bed. I'm so exhausted when I'm up at 6. Last night he slept from 8:30-7:30 and I could definitely get used to that. I'm being diligent about putting him to bed while he's awake and letting him put himself to sleep (aka sleep training) which fortunately he's good at. He has this thing about pulling blankets up over his face or up to his chin when he's going to sleep. No matter how many times I pull it down to his feet his manages to kick it up so his hands can reach and tuck himself in. Tonight when I checked on him, I found him covered head to toe by a light blanket and sleeping underneath (not the first time this has happened). I obviously pulled the blanket down, but tomorrow morning when I go in, I bet it'll be pulled up to his chin like it was this morning when I came in.
He is a very temperamental boy and can literally go from smiling to screaming mad in 30 seconds while you're trying to figure out what earth-shattering thing just happened. Sometimes I feel like I'm already in the terrible twos with his temper tantrums. Most of the time I just giggle at him, because his display of 4-month-old anger is so comical and yet I'm scared to think it could get much worse. My ear drums have already taken a severe beating from Isaac screeching right in my ear.
That being said he is a very very lively, animated, active boy who I have no doubt will keep me running off my feet for years to come. I joke that Heavenly Father sent him to us first because he was driving his brothers and sisters crazy up there. There is never a dull moment with Isaac here and I don't think there will be another one for a very long time. But I'm okay with that. Je t'aime mon bonhomme!

Picking your battles

I think one of the most important lessons a mother needs to learn is to pick her battles. This week Isaac has completely refused to nurse, even at night, and no matter what I try he won't even latch. I've tried nursing before, in the middle, and after the bottle. I've tried expressing and giving that milk in a bottle but I barely get half an ounce for 10-15 minutes of work and I usually have to wait a full day to even get that much. Not being able to nurse Isaac exclusively is something I've struggled with in feeling like an adequate mother. As a nurse you have it drilled into you how important breastfeeding is for short term and long term health and all about successful breastfeeding, but there's hardly any mention of circumstances where this might not be possible and almost implicit in the text is that mothers who formula feed choose to do so willingly or are less educated. I guess if you look at my choice between a starving baby or formula feeding, then yes, I willingly chose formula. But I truly feel I have done everything in my power to increase my milk supply so that I could keep breastfeeding as long as possible. Unfortunately Isaac's patience with nursing ran out before my milk supply did.
I'm sick of feeling like every time a health professional asks me how I'm feeding Isaac that I have to justify formula feeding, that I have to convince them that I had no other choice. I shouldn't feel this way but when one option is continuously praised and the other looked down on, what other natural reaction is there? That being said, I wholeheartedly believe nursing is best and that every effort should be made to educate and support mothers in this. I just wish I knew how we could accomplish this, without making formula feeding so frowned upon. But I don't have the answer to that. I wish I was able to nurse. But the fact is I can't force a screaming baby to latch. That is out of my control. This is a battle I am letting him win. And I'm still trying to be okay with that.
In lighter news, Isaac and I drove down to Calgary Friday to stay with my family for the week. He was a good boy and slept the whole way in the car. He's been enjoying the attention of his fan club (of which my dad is probably president) and I've been enjoying a little me time. I ran 7k yesterday, something I haven't been able to do since I found out I was pregnant with Isaac a year ago. I'm grateful for my family who lets me have a little rest and relaxation.
Some little tidbits about Isaac from this week are that he's becoming more and more attached to blankets and likes to put them over his face and chew on them. It's one of his most entertaining toys and he also likes cuddling with them when he's going to sleep. I keep alternating blankets in hopes that he doesn't get attached to one and turn it into a ratty blanket that he drags around everywhere. He also has a lot of sounds that he really doesn't like, and when he hears them he either tries to make himself as inconspicuous as possible by leaning as far away from the sound as he can or he just starts bawling. Two of the three offensive sounds used to be so soothing for him, the bathtub running and the vacuum. Now they are fear mongers! The third always makes me laugh: Gordon's sneeze. I think it's because it's so loud and it startles him, but for whatever reason, whenever his dad sneezes the pout turns on and may produce a cry or two.
We're excited to spend this week with Granny and Granpy, Auntie Devon and Auntie Paige. I'm sure Isaac likes different options for a playmate too.

Isaac update

Isaac is 3.5 months already and I'm starting to lose count of how many weeks he is so I think it's time to start measuring by months. At his dr's appointment Wednesday he weighed 12lbs9oz and measured 23 3/4 inches. Now we're between 25-50th percentile instead of the 10-25th percentile and he's growing terrificly. The pediatrician was really happy with his development and so are we! Here's some little facts about how our little boy is changing (if you're not already sick of us talking about him...)
-he's got a nice head of dark hair and has the cutest bedhead...which looks exactly like his fathers
-he's gone through another growth spurt and is into most 3 month pants and starting to be too long for the 0-3 month onesies and sleepers
-he almost always pouts when I sing him the ABCs but only near the end of the song
-he had his first non-family babysitters two weekends ago and was a very well behaved boy (or so they tell me)
-he only rolls over when he feels like it which is once every few days
-he's very much a mama's boy and likes to have a cuddle before naps and bedtime
-he's pretty much given up on nursing unless he's tired or it's his early morning feeding. I really feel like I've done absolutely everything I've been able to to help him keep nursing. I've taken prescriptions, herbs, teas, and pumped until bruised. In the end his feeding times can be enough of a screaming match without him wrestling with me when he's nursing as well. So I'm just letting him take the reins and nurse when he wants and bottle feed when he wants.

Gordon and I had our 3 year wedding anniversary and we were able to get away for two separate evenings. We went snowshoeing at Fort Edmonton Park and a sleigh ride after. Then this past weekend we went to dinner and Normand's and had one of the nicest meals we've had out in a while. I tried duck for the first time and it was mmm mmm good. As a dark meat lover I couldn't ask for anything better. It was nice to get away just the two of us for a few hours and I was proud of myself that I didn't call every hour to check on Isaac. I knew he was in good hands and was apparently well behaved. Thank goodness. My biggest worry was him scaring off babysitters since he can be a handful. A terribly cute handful of course. If it was practical to give him a bath every two hours I would. Water always makes him happy.

He's already grown so much in the past 3.5 months and I can't wait to see what the next 3.5 will bring!

 

 p.s. I don't know why the picture is sideways but it's just as cute!