Surviving post partum: from a mama who learned the hard way!

The realities of postpartum is one of the best...or worst... kept secrets. 

I think there is so much focus on how to survive labour and delivery, and the joy of bringing home your baby, that we gloss over the fact that postpartum can be messy, emotional, painful, and downright horrifying sometimes.

I obviously didn't learn much from my supremely uncomfortable recovery with Isaac (episiotomy and 2nd degree tear), because I ended up completely overdoing it with Mia (also 2nd degree tear) because the vacuuming and laundry had to be done by my type A self.

And then was waylaid on the couch in excruciating pain for a week.

I only walked if I had to pee, and then I cried the whole way to and from the bathroom.

It was pitiful.

And pretty much my fault.

I was determined that this time was going to be different.

I googled the crap out of tips for helping ease the postpartum recovery-which essential oils to try, how to make padsicles more soothing, how to help stitches magically heal faster. I read hundreds of comments on mom's groups and forums about what made their recovery bearable, and so many first timers shared a similar question.

"Why didn't anyone tell me it was going to be like this?"

Now I've known mums who've been lucky enough to only have 1st degree tears, no tears, or can somehow manage to sit on something without padding within the first few days after giving birth. So this isn't everyone's experience. But it was my experience. 3 times. And if it's your first time, it will probably be yours.

But unlike my first two trysts in postpartum hell, this one didn't want to make me swear off children for the next ten years.

Yes I cried a few times, and yes sometimes the pain was exhausting, but I came out relatively unscathed, because I learned a few things.

And this is what I'm going to share with you.

Postpartum survival guide: for moms who don't have perineums that can stretch farther than a slinky

In labour (just because a few practical tips can't hurt)

• bring snacks-especially for dad, but don't eat anything you wouldn't want in your stomach before a big workout
• be prepared to pay for parking, or scout out a residential spot beforehand

• don't bring the diaper bag or car seat in right away, you don't need them in labour, and dad has to carry everything 

Before discharge

• leave your hospital room emptier than you found it, anything that can't be washed will get thrown away (take your peri bottle, waterproof disposable blue pads, and maxi pads!)
• do not let yourself be discharged unless you are comfortable with breastfeeding (assuming you are BF) and your baby's latch (my HUGE mistake with Isaac)-see a lactation consultant, or make sure you know about your community supports (healthy beginnings, community health center). Learning how to BF is one of the biggest challenges postpartum, so set yourself up for success in that area before you go home. Nothing is worse than a screaming crying baby who isn't being fed properly, cracked nipples, and no sleep in the first 48 hours of being home. Trust me.
• do not sacrifice a good latch for convenience. If it takes you five minutes to latch that baby properly, it's five minutes you won't spend crying later!

After discharge

• Put an alarm on your device to remind you (or your help) when your medication is due. Ask your OB/midwife what they recommend you take for pain control (drug, dose, frequency) and for laxatives. I found that alternating extra strength advil/motrin/ibuprofen every 6 hours, with extra strength tylenol every 6 hours, worked for me. That way you are getting something for pain every 3 hours (example: motrin at 6am, tylenol 9am, motrin 12pm, tylenol 3pm etc). You can start to tone down the pain meds as you see fit.
•  That first number 2 is probably one of my worst postartum memories. Drink LOTS of fluid (I would try and drink at least one glass every time I nursed), eat fruit and veggies (an apple a day!), and take the stool softeners the day you get home. Colace or docusate sodium twice a day, and laxaday daily were lifesavers for me this time around. I took them daily for 3 days, then when things were regular, switched to every other day. Just be sure to check with your OB/midwife.
• Stock up on comfy pads. Some mums swear by depends, some swear by regular maxi pads. But I always found maxi pads would rub uncomfortably against my stitches. So I found some waterproof, disposable blue pads, similar to the ones they use at the hospital, at Walmart. And those were infinitely more comfortable to me. I would cut them in half and fold them into thirds length wise. Way better coverage than maxis too!
• Have a "battle station". A side table, a bench, a basket. Anything where you can have all the things you might need readily accessible (phone, TV remote, diapers, wipes, water, snack etc).
• Be prepared for a lot of sitting/lying. Make a list of movies or TV shows you want to watch, books to read, etc.
• Take a bath in the morning and a bath in the evening before bed. It helps with circulation, and something I woefully neglected with Isaac. I couldn't use epsom salts because it caused my stitches to burn (hence the times I cried), so I just used a couple drops of lavender oil in the bath and would soak for 15 minutes, then rinse off. This was one of the most soothing things for me.
• Air dry if you can! It might seem awkward but it helps with healing, Just put a waterproof pad or old towel down and be au natural for 15 minutes. (Warn possible visitors to give you a heads up before they come over though!)
• Make padsicles by pouring water on maxi pads and freezing them. I would freeze them on a cookie sheet. Then when I needed it, take it out of the freezer for a few minutes to soften, put it in a ziploc, and wrap it in a blue pad. Some mums soaked theirs with witch hazel, but that happened to make my stitches burn too, plus I didn't like the wet feeling (why I use a ziploc). I only use these the first few days though to help with the swelling. After day 3, it would actually cause me more pain.
• Make your nights easier by having everything you need at bedside (including pain killers), and by sleeping on something that's comfortable and easy for you to get in and out of. I actually sleep on my couch the first week, because our bed is high. Scarlett slept with me, or in her swing, which Gordon would move every night to have beside me.

About "helpers" and "visitors"

• If someone is staying with you besides your hubby, make sure you are 100% comfortable with them (you don't want to nurse under a cover when you're learning the BF ropes), and that they know what help you expect from them (meals, cleaning, rest etc). Be completely clear about your expectations. 
• Don't be afraid to ask visitors to go home, or tell people you're tired and need a rest. This is your time, not theirs. You may want to invite someone over "for an hour", instead of hoping they'll get all your subtle hints that you want them to leave.
• Enjoy having everyone wait on you for the first week. If something is causing you discomfort, stop and rest. This is the hardest part for me...or any type A, but one of the most crucial to a quicker recovery. The more you let people help you initially, the quicker you'll be able to help yourself!

 Most important: enjoy that time to snuggle, nurse, and just be with your little one as much as possible before you have to go back to the normal demands of life!