Homeschooling week 7: a letter to my kids

Hello children. We have now survived 7 weeks of being stuck safe together at home. I am trying so hard to be your anchor, so that you don't feel lost in the storm. Sometimes that feels so heavy. Sometimes it makes me tired. Sometimes it makes me cranky. But it never ever makes me love you less.

Isaac- oh how we have struggled together these last 7 weeks. I have such high expectations of you. I know the brilliant boy you are, and I want you to know that about yourself. To me, that means setting goals that you can achieve, so you prove to yourself that you can do hard things. Some things in school are not hard for you. That's one of the challenges you face. Being able to get through some of the mundane and boring things in life, just because sometimes that's what you gotta do. Some things are more challenging for you. Not always because you don't understand, but because some things don't always follow rules- like French. The ancient French people are often the subject of your wrath. Sometimes you look at all the little tasks for the day and get overwhelmed. Your brain puts up a wall and psyches yourself out. I get that. It happens to me lots. But I hope you learn, like I am learning, to breathe, exercise, and take things in baby steps. Some things you just don't enjoy-like writing. Unfortunately I didn't enjoy potty training you, but it had to be done. And you thanked me in the end. I'm confident you'll do it again.
I love when you have your small victories. When your face lights up when I praise how neat your writing is. When you realize the lego can be like math. When you legit beat me at board games. When you get to see your teacher and classmates in your Google Meets. When you focus and finish all your work by 1pm, and realize you have the rest of the day to do as you please. Those moments are what make it all worth it.

Mia- of all of you, my heart is the saddest for you. Kindergarten is such a special year, and my heart still hurts a little that you didn't get to experience it in all of its little joys. You love your friends so much, and I know it has been hard from you to be away from them. But you are such a resilient girl. You do your best at any assignment you've been given. Sometimes you'll erase a letter 5 or 10 times because it isn't "perfect". Even though it is perfectly adequate in my eyes. You want to earn your teacher's highest approval in everything. You try so hard with your French, even though your mouth doesn't quite know how to say all the words.
It hasn't all been rainbows though. Some mornings your sass is spicier than spoonful of... I don't even know what to compare your sass to... Hopefully it runs out before you reach your teenage years.
B has really loved having you around. You are so helpful with her, and she loves playing with you. So does Scarlett... that is when you both don't have your sass turned on full blast at the same time.

Scarlett- you told me the other day "mum, I love staying home all day!" I think that's because it's where I am. You have been my little tag along since day 1. There isn't virtually anywhere you haven't been with me. You're my grocery buddy, sit through oil changes, come to workout class with me, and go on adventures trying to find materials or tools for dad's home reno projects. You are most sad that the playgrounds are closed. You asked me ALL winter "mum, when it's summertime can we go to the parks and waterparks again?" Of course, I would always answer yes. Why wouldn't I have? I will be so happy when the day comes that I can hear your hilarious cackle when I push you on the swing, or when you conquer your fears to go on the big slides by yourself.
You have been so patient with sharing me with your siblings more than normal. So much more patient than I have given you credit for. You sit and play so quietly with your toys, sometimes for hours at a time. You're always inventing new adventures for your barbies, or losing yourself in your own world where I have no clue what's going on, but I love to watch. You are also a chief mess maker, but less of a chief mess cleaner. I am grateful our early morning snuggles in bed (although I wouldn't complain if they were less early), and for our quiet story time together at night.

Brooklyn- my baby who isn't a baby anymore. Having your siblings around all the time has meant your hear a lot more things than you used to, and you are starting to pick up their expressions (like when I put you to bed and you say "wait!!"). You know so many songs, and you love when anyone sings with you or reads with you. You can count to 10 independently and have even gone past that now with eleven, twelve, wuh-teen, wuh-teen, wuh-teen. You are learning colours and shapes and you have a big vocabulary, where you try to put together little sentences to tell me what you want. Listening to you figure out words is my favourite. You love to be outside exploring, and only the promise of a snack or a bath will tempt you back inside. You are so sweet and love to snuggle.Your memories of this pandemic will be possibly (and hopefully) non existent. But our memories would not be the same without you here.

Oh my littles. I have no clue how I , or you, will look back on this snippet of our lives in 5, 10....20 years from now. I hope and pray you will remember mostly the good. Less of me losing my temper, less of me being impatient, less of me cleaning. More of me sitting with you reading, more of me colouring or painting our window, more of me coming up with games to teach you math or spelling. I hope you remember that the most important friendships you can have are with your own family. I hope you felt how much you were loved and cared for. And I hope most of all, that you remember that you can do hard things, and when those hard things come mum and dad will always be in your corner.