A letter to my son

Oh my son. You're half a year older than the last time I wrote about you, but still very much the same. I wish I could recall all the funny things you've said, or wish I would have wrote them down as soon as you said them. But as you know, mom's time is sometimes stretched and I have to really live in the moment so that I don't miss any memories.

You are a bright bright and saavy boy. Many times you seem way older than your 6.5 years, and I probably treat you that way. Maybe I give you more responsibilities than I should. I have to remind myself that you are still small and have lots of growing up to do. I have high expectations of you, because I can see the wonderful, successful, intelligent man that you can become.

Helping dad demo the yard

The hard part is that those same personality traits which can make you successful-your determination, wilfulness, wit, and leadership can also make it extremely challenging to parent you. You like to push boundaries and have it seemed since the moment you were born. You defy all regular parenting advice, norms, books... I don't even think I would have read any parenting books if you weren't born.

You spent the night in the hammock in grandma and grandpa's backyard with Uncle Liam

You like to be the boss, and sometimes forget that we have rules to keep you and your sisters safe because we love you more than anything. If you say "ok mum" the first time, my head usually snaps around from shock. I hope that I am parenting you the way that you need-the way that encourages your independence and confidence, but still gives you safe boundaries and rules and teaches you respect and responsibility. It's a hard balance. I can't even tell you how hard. Nearly every hour of the day I am questioning "Did he need more love and encouragement? Did he need more structure? Was I too hard on him? Was I too soft on him?" The other day you were listing the ten commandments off to me, but instead of "honour your parents" you substituted it for "honour your children". Haha.
 
I can rely on you to look out for your sisters when we're in public. Sometimes when my eyes or arms are needed elsewhere, you are that extra set. You are a great big brother when we are at the park, and someone is picking on your sisters. You defend them, even if the kid is way big or older than you. You do, however, like to tease them and push their buttons, which is hardly a surprise when you think about who your father and grampy are. 

You hate being wrong, and will manipulate any words, conversations, or circumstances to make it seem like you were right. Sometimes this is entertaining, and sometimes....not so much. You hate making mistakes, and this is made even harder by the fact that so many things are naturally easy for you (academics, athletics...) We love you, no matter the mistakes you make. I hope that you're never afraid to tell us when you're struggling, when you're scared, or when you have questions. I try so hard to keep communication open with you-to let you know that it's okay to talk about feelings, even though you don't like to.

 

You love to build and create things-forts, lego, houses out of rocks, and more recently comic books (which you are currently trying to sell at school for $2, out of your "personal office" that your teacher sent me pictures of).  

Your reading skills are amazing, both in English and French. You are reading French books that are 20-24 pages long, with short paragraphs. Your favourite English books are Captain Underpants and Diary of a Wimpy Kid, and of course any encyclopaedia type book you can get your hands on.

I love you so so much. Indescribably love you. I hope and pray every single day that I am the mother you need me to be. I'll be completely honest. There are some many days that I question that. Not a minute goes by during the day where I am not thinking about you, and how to help you learn and grow and love and be safe. I hope one day you look back and forgive me for the millions of mistakes I am making. You are so bright, so energetic, and so ready to take charge of life. I hope you know how much I love you!