The hardest thing you'll ever have to go through

I'm waiting up for Gordon so we can cuddle for a few minutes before we both fall asleep, him probably way faster than me. This past week we've been able to spend one evening together. I've been on nights since Monday, and since Gordon has to work before I get home and is sometimes not home before I have to leave (he works 6-6 I work 7-7), I spend the time I'm awake alone and then come home to an empty house and REPEAT. That being said, I keep reminding myself of how fortunate we are to have jobs that support us and will be able to support our growing family when we both stopping working this fall when Gordon puts on his student hat and I put on my mommy hat. No we're not crazy, just full of faith. Most days.
But enough of the preamble, the only thing that keeps me awake at times like these is the computer. Movies and TV put me to sleep so fast. So I read blogs, lots and lots of blogs. Blogs about people I know and about people that I know, know (get that?). For some reason I started reading this blog about someone my in-laws know, a young married mum with three little kids, struggling to overcome breast cancer that has metastasized, and her heart breaking yet sincerely inspiring experience. It made me think of all the patients I take care of that had lives just like you or I and then one car accident, one brain tumour, one aneurysm bursts and their whole world is turned upside down. Some are lucky and recover and some are so far mentally from where they were that it's hard to remember that they raised children, or had jobs or even knew where they lived and what the date was at any given time. Then the great quality of nursing that gets drilled into us, "empathy", takes over and I find myself really imagining what it's like for that individual and their loved ones. And I think to myself "Why not me?". Who says that I won't be that family member or that patient? What is protecting me from going through that trial. And in most cases that answer is absolutely nothing. If that trial is what the Lord sees fit for me to pass through, He will allow it to happen. [insert sarcastic voice] Thank you mortality. I think it's human nature to say to ourselves "I'm so glad I'm not going through that. I could never make it through something that difficult." But in reality, you can't compare one person's suffering to another. You can't say someone has suffered more than someone else, even though we do all the time because we've classified struggles into a hierarchy. Death of a child is worse than death of an elderly person. Cancer is worse than diabetes. Brain cancer supersedes breast cancer. We have this collective unconscious about what constitutes a speed bump, a roadblock or a mountain. Then I'm reminded about a quote that I swear I heard at church, but cannot give credit to the who or what. "The hardest thing you'll ever have to go through, will be the hardest thing you'll ever have to go through". Seems redundant and obvious, no? But stop and digest for a few seconds. If the worst trial that I pass through is the peaceful death of loved one at a ripe old age, that is still the hardest thing I will ever have ever gone through. That will have been the most painful, agonizing experience of my life and because it was my Gethsemane, it is impossible to say that it was less trying than another's. If one person's happiest day of their life was their wedding day and one person's the birth of their child, would you judge one to be "happier" than the other? I hardly think so. And now for the good news of all this. No matter what my personal Gethsemane may be (I'm always wondering what crap is going to happen to me in this life, can you tell I'm an optimist?), I have the same help available to me as does each person who exists on this earth, a loving Saviour. He does not dole out comfort or strength based on the type of trial. He meets you where you are at, fills your cup however much it needs to be filled. He compensates for whatever you do not have the strength to do on your own. That does now, and will always give me comfort. Yes the hardest thing I will ever have to go through, is the hardest thing I will ever have to go through, and that sucks. I hate going through hard stuff. But Someone already knows what that is, will prepare me for it, and will never leave my side during it.